I have been thinking about writing this blog for a long time now. So, at this moment in the middle of some work, I thought about writing it down. I can’t totally term it as work because all I am supposed to do is sit, wait and mind the activities of other people. Think of this as some exam supervision activity. Not exactly it though, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten a chance to write this down.
Before I move forward with my total note to note lecture on how I went where and how I went there from there, I would like to share something else. I wish I could write with honesty. I don’t understand but most of the time, there is someone in my head (someone I create out of my imagination)who is viewing what I write and judging it constantly. It feels as if I write to impress that person. To make that person appreciate me and look upon me, I try to be perfect in that process and sometimes end up not getting the satisfaction that I seek. Maybe I try to write for others and not for what I actually am or what I actually feel. I probably write what others would be interested or would appreciate upon reading and not what I want to share. There are lots of maybes to discover. I sometimes find it hard to truly know what I seek. I know at this moment no one is sorted and no one knows what is up next and what they wish to do next,but I just wish I knew what I should have done the coming moment. I wish I had some guidebook, guiding me through life, telling me that it is okay and it is gonna be okay. What I am living is not even close to miserable , but still why do I seek for something better than this. Why am I so ungrateful about something that is very rare to achieve for few people. I don’t know but I am not certain about myself. I think, more than the traveling I did that day, there is more travel that is yet to be done in this life. Travel to what I am supposed to be, travel to what I wish to become and travel to somewhere or someplace where I could find peace. I sometimes wonder that when I was little, I had most things sorted out in life. I just had to study and play. There were some rifts with friends here and there but they were not any great to think about. They came and went by without much to think of. All I had to worry about was just getting good food, getting to watch my favorite television serial at the end of the day, getting ready for school and packing the right books in bag. How simple! Have I made it complicated now? Can life still be this simple? Am I just blind to possibilities? I keep wondering every now and then. I sometimes think too much, feel too much, waste too much time on thinking about others and what they told me. I wish I could come over this. I check certain videos every now and then and think about the possible solutions that can make me feel better. But I come up with nothing. Mostly I think the underlying problem gets hidden by some small insignificant day to day problems. But, is that okay ? How to get over something that you know is wrong but you still keep doing it anyways ?
I did not intend on sharing this though. I was thinking about sharing about my experience of watching a live cricket match. Should I keep my experience waiting for some other day ? Probably yes.
Sometimes all you need is a little hope and belief and someone to listen to you. Sometimes I also feel silly about a few things. I don’t know, I just complicate a lot of things here and there. I have a lot to sort out. I hope that I do sort them out. I guess the title is still justified since I did travel through all my thoughts !
With Hope,
TalkativeTongue
Talkative Tongue 